


this time i'm dying

by lemonyscissor



Series: and i'll be okay (no i won't and this proves it) [4]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Gen, HhhHhhHhHhH, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Wilbur Soot, Sad Wilbur Soot, Short One Shot, Short and Sour, Suicidal Thoughts, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Wilbur Soot Angst, Wilbur Soot Needs a Hug, alcohol is mentioned once, and im sad about it, he doesnt get a hug, im projecting so hard rn, vent fic, wHaT tHE FUCK IM SO SLEEP DEPRIVED
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 17:14:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28549173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemonyscissor/pseuds/lemonyscissor
Summary: wilbur is scared, pissed off and lonelybut actually he's just really sad and aloneorsad boi hours with wilbur
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Series: and i'll be okay (no i won't and this proves it) [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2100693
Kudos: 33





	this time i'm dying

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING:: , su!c!dal thoughts (its like one line, but theres like two or three paragraphs about death), swearing , just sad venting in general
> 
> just a short angst drabble to read at a time you should be asleep, have fun :]
> 
> oh no it’s another wilbur angst fic, why is wilbur my main victim in every one of these smh i’m sorry lmao  
> i started this one before the other one, forgot about it for a month, then finished it in 10 minutes a few hours before it got deleted
> 
> please don’t read this if you’re in a bad place right now, or if any of these subjects may trigger you. close this story, get a drink (preferably water but if you don’t want that it’s okay), calm down, it’s alright. ily <33

this is pathetic.

wilbur is pathetic.

he knows this.

he reminds himself of this every day, constantly.

he reminds himself that he's pathetic, useless, worthless, nothing, a waste of space.

that's all he'll ever be.

it's not like he cares, it doesn't bother him that he's a wreck, that he's messed up in almost every way.

that's just how he is.

he's grown accustomed to it.

at this point, it's unnatural for him to be okay, and he couldn't even fathom being _happy_.

he wasn't trying to say that he was never happy, of course he was at times.

that doesn't mean that he doesn't feel like throwing up whenever he notices that the sinking feeling in his mind is less prominent than usual.

but now? sitting alone in his house, letting time pass slower than it ever has? it felt euphoric, in a sad type of way, if that even made sense. 

he wasn’t sure of what made sense anymore. did he even make sense anymore? did his existence make sense anymore? he wasn’t sure.

the only thing he was sure of was that he was falling, fast, tumbling really.

that sounds fun. tumbling down a hill of locked away emotions, only for wilbur to see. his own special place.

his train of thought cut off, for no reason other than him staring at the wall with so much interest.

minutes passed, feeling like hours, before he realised that he was laughing. not loud laughter, the kind of self-deprecating laughter when you think about just how pathetic you are.

he really was far gone.

he feels drunk, not on alcohol, more like, drunk on sadness. it's nice, it's refreshing.

he has something to lean on, to melt into and surround himself with. he knows that if he falls, this feeling will catch him.

for a split second, he wishes that he had that with something positive, but he doesn’t like to admit that to himself.

sure, he might think about calling up his friends one day at 2am during an emotional breakdown, venting about everything, being comforted and falling asleep knowing that there are people there for him, people who _care_.

he wouldn’t ever do that though, and he means that. it’s not like he thought he’d be bothering them or anything, he didn’t really care about that anymore, he used to, a lot. it’s more like, he doesn’t care about himself enough to say anything.

sitting in silence forever has been working out well for him so far, why ruin it?

he didn’t really know why he was even bothering to think about it, he made up his mind a while ago. 

he would die never having said anything, most likely by his own hands, and that was alright with him. he didn’t want to think about how it wouldn’t be alright for everyone else, how he had friends who would be affected by it, how he had _teenagers_ who would—

there was no point thinking about it. it won’t affect him in the afterlife, and that’s all that matters.

wilbur is selfish.

he learnt this a while ago, and it’s okay. he’s fine with not caring about the long term affects he might leave on other’s lives.

yeah, it might be a little bit fucked up, but that’s just suiting to his character. that’s how he is, he’s fucked up.

severely.

and he doesn’t fucking care.

**Author's Note:**

> wow wilbur edgelord much /j
> 
> i didn’t proofread this lmao sorry for any mistakes
> 
> anyway yeah i have like ten drafts that will probs take a bit since i’m preoccupied with a comic me and my friend are working on together but i’m excited to write them lmao  
> so like, if i ever finish them it’ll be pog
> 
> have a good day nerds, i care about you, i’m proud of you, and ilysm <3


End file.
